According to the Merriam-Webster definition....
"Culture Shock: a sense of confusion and uncertainty sometimes with feelings of anxiety that may affect people exposed to an alien culture or environment without adequate preparation"
... I am having a culture shock.
Now, lest I be misunderstood... this is not a cry of discontent... but rather... a submission to the reality that I am living. I have always prided myself in my capacity to be flexible and easily adapt to diverse and strange situations and environments. ...I've been proven wrong.
There is nothing wrong with where I am. Nothing needs to be changed in regards to the people, the area, the hospital, or the culture here. I had high hopes that I was being sent here to make a big difference in someone's life... or in the hospital.... but I am realizing that I didn't come here to change Presque Isle.
I am here so that Presque Isle changes me.
Life here is so wonderful... but I don't know how to live it. It is opposite and even caustic to most of what I have ever lived before... and to who I have thus far been. I came thinking that I'd get to learn new things about people... but I'm mostly learning new things about me. Some, of which, are not so pretty or comfortable. I am a long way from "home". Over 2,000 miles. I left a lot a things and people behind... and thought I was making a great escape. I am now realizing... that I seemed to have followed myself all the way over here.
Being in the middle of nowhere doesn't offer much more than one of main things I pined for:
Now, lest I be misunderstood... this is not a cry of discontent... but rather... a submission to the reality that I am living. I have always prided myself in my capacity to be flexible and easily adapt to diverse and strange situations and environments. ...I've been proven wrong.
There is nothing wrong with where I am. Nothing needs to be changed in regards to the people, the area, the hospital, or the culture here. I had high hopes that I was being sent here to make a big difference in someone's life... or in the hospital.... but I am realizing that I didn't come here to change Presque Isle.
I am here so that Presque Isle changes me.
Life here is so wonderful... but I don't know how to live it. It is opposite and even caustic to most of what I have ever lived before... and to who I have thus far been. I came thinking that I'd get to learn new things about people... but I'm mostly learning new things about me. Some, of which, are not so pretty or comfortable. I am a long way from "home". Over 2,000 miles. I left a lot a things and people behind... and thought I was making a great escape. I am now realizing... that I seemed to have followed myself all the way over here.
Being in the middle of nowhere doesn't offer much more than one of main things I pined for:
time.
Now that I have all this precious time that I never seemed to be able to obtain before... I don't have all the silliness I drowned in before to fill it. So... now what?
In my many 24 years... I have lived with deeply engraved formulas that...
Self Worth = Productivity
and
One's productivity is measured in units of stress, busyness, and check marks on a "to do" list
So... here I am... in the middle of a potato field... with no calls to pick up extra shifts, no church calling, no gym to go to, no one in sight to serve, hardly any missionary lessons to go to, no temple to serve in, no seminary to teach... nothing to do but... run, read... thiiiiiiiink.
According to my well developed life-long philosophy... my self worth has taken an automatic plummet. Moving here.. and taking away all of my "busyness"... has stripped me of my value, capacity, potential, and ultimate worth. All because my planner is now... almost useless. HOW CAN I LIVE LIKE THIS!?!?!?
Of course... I can agree to the reasoning that all my religion and personal beliefs would tell me... that my formula is actually false doctrine. That God would never place my worth on such a scale. I get that... but I don't get it. I haven't really had to. The scale has always worked great for me... because I've always been able to tip it in my favor. Now that I'm thinking about it... it does seem silly, huh? I've never put anyone else on that scale. That would be unfair and unreasonable... obviously everyone else has divine nature and eternal worth without utilizing such bizarre mathematics. So... why am I making up my own?
Anyway... without getting too deep or out there with this all.. the point is... this is different for me. Some call this the "end of the world"... and someone disputed that and said, "no, but you can see it from here!" The sign for Maine says:
Now that I have all this precious time that I never seemed to be able to obtain before... I don't have all the silliness I drowned in before to fill it. So... now what?
In my many 24 years... I have lived with deeply engraved formulas that...
Self Worth = Productivity
and
One's productivity is measured in units of stress, busyness, and check marks on a "to do" list
So... here I am... in the middle of a potato field... with no calls to pick up extra shifts, no church calling, no gym to go to, no one in sight to serve, hardly any missionary lessons to go to, no temple to serve in, no seminary to teach... nothing to do but... run, read... thiiiiiiiink.
According to my well developed life-long philosophy... my self worth has taken an automatic plummet. Moving here.. and taking away all of my "busyness"... has stripped me of my value, capacity, potential, and ultimate worth. All because my planner is now... almost useless. HOW CAN I LIVE LIKE THIS!?!?!?
Of course... I can agree to the reasoning that all my religion and personal beliefs would tell me... that my formula is actually false doctrine. That God would never place my worth on such a scale. I get that... but I don't get it. I haven't really had to. The scale has always worked great for me... because I've always been able to tip it in my favor. Now that I'm thinking about it... it does seem silly, huh? I've never put anyone else on that scale. That would be unfair and unreasonable... obviously everyone else has divine nature and eternal worth without utilizing such bizarre mathematics. So... why am I making up my own?
Anyway... without getting too deep or out there with this all.. the point is... this is different for me. Some call this the "end of the world"... and someone disputed that and said, "no, but you can see it from here!" The sign for Maine says:
some say, "Maine, the way life used to be"
It is so... simple. Life here is... simple! It's great! It is so different... and despite the shock of it all... I am trying to really value it and relish all the little things. I am in the Aroostook County... which is HUGE. I suppose it's geographically vast and demographically quaint. It is also the oldest County in the country.
I live in a little town called Caribou.
Which is part of the old swedish colonies!
I work half an hour away in the 10,000 people big city of Presque Isle, also known as
the "hub of Aroostook County".
There is no hurry here. NO HURRY. What is a hurry? What do we have to hurry off to? I am always in a hurry.... so I am the alien here.I've been in a hurry to graduate, to get my license, to go on my mission, to jump into my career, to be a travel nurse... ect. I am the weird one. Time to adapt.
In northern Maine.... family is not just an accessory to life. Family IS your life. In this regards... yes... Maine IS the way life should be. As I travel through "desolate" land, or... farm country... I see houses here and there... and when I first got here, I thought, "gah! People live here? Out here? HOW?". Today it was warm, sunny, beautiful. People were out mowing their lawns as their kids played in their yard. I then realized... OH. They live with their FAMILIES. ...what else do they need? Why did that take me so long?
Church was such a great experience on sunday. It was full of screaming kids and waddling toddlers... total heaven. The families are so solid, big, and tangibly happy! I wasn't sent here to lift up the ward... they have already lifted me! They love and live the gospel. They don't need the excitement or prestige of a big busy city... with all those kids... they have the excitement they need- and the kind that really counts. I was invited to sit in the pew with a family of 14 kids. WOW. The father was a nurse where I work, but then he went into liver failure. With hardly knowing him... he freely and joyfully told me of the miracle of finding an organ donor who was a former coworker that became his brain-dead patient. It was so miraculous and touching... I could tell that this was a special man. Not to mention... he's adopted 9 kids and has 14 in total. Sitting at the end of this big, happy, techni-color, multi-racial, united and happy family... was an honor. The kids were so cool and quality. When the 14 year old next to me pulled out her ipad during sacrament... I immediately started to roll my eyes, "the youth these days! Come on! now is not the time to play games!"... but when I saw that she was sincerely and earnestly reading "The Living Christ"... I shrunk into my shell of shame. They have accepted me as their 15th child. :)
Did I mention how beautiful it is here? The BIG open sky that was so so blue today... the green rolling hills full of so much foliage! It is gorgeous! They tell me the potato blossoms are the real ticket. There we go... something important to put on my calendar. :) I am loving the random little houses that are so cute, clean, and happy. My phone does no justice to the beauty of it all... but...
The people are beautiful too. I feel like I am living "Our Town" by Thornton Wilder. They are so kind, approachable, down-to-earth. I feel like I could knock on any door and find someone eager to help at any time. I am loving the cute little nuances in culture... and find pleasure in soaking in every bulletin board I can find.
In case you were wondering about the fiddlehead of the "Fiddlehead Supper"... It is the delightful top of a young fern..
That is a big rage at this time of the year and sold all over.
I have always loved Paul's declaration in Philippians 4:11,
"I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content."
...but my wandering spirit has always failed to live it.
As I was sinking my toes into the mud and skipping rocks at my nearby pond... I saw two geese gliding on the water... and I was envious of them. They looked so... calm, peaceful, and able to accept the tranquility around them. They weren't wanting something else while they had so much around them. They were grateful for where they were and weren't already making escape plans. They were happy to stay. They seemed to have mastered the art of taking the emptiness I saw and felt as, "beauty". I know I'm making a lot of assumptions about geese... but in them I saw... what I wanted to have. I thought about what Paul said and watched how these geese seemed to so beautifully personify his creed.... until I remembered...
Geese migrate.
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