Saturday, July 12, 2014

My life in Maine

     A number of people of people have asked why I haven't "continued" my blog the last few months here and have requested that I do so. I'm not sure what they're expecting, and I'm not sure my tales of this quiet little town and my life of tranquility will be what they seem to be holding their breaths for. I suppose I've stalled sharing certain things because I feel like I don't really have anything incredible to profound to share! I'm still trying to process and digest what I'm experiencing and learning here and still can't make any "and thus we see" statements. I could just start rambling and see if anything of interest comes out. I've got one easy patient and a whole night ahead of me.

    So... I'm here... across the continent... in a self-imposed social timeout. I knew no one when I came here... and was technically "alone". Yet... I have really never felt alone. It is a beautiful comfort and feeling that I have spent hours trying to explain to people here when they say, "but don't you get lonely??" For many here that have never lived away from their families and have kept the same friends geographically close to them their whole lives... I seem insane. It's not that I don't miss many people that I love fiercely.. nor is it that I don't need people... but it has a lot more do to with Christ's promise in John 14 when He says, referring to sending the Holy Ghost, "that he may abide with you for ever." I have found so much comfort and support from my friends in the scriptures and the increasingly strong presence of the Spirit. It is indescribable. I wish I could give others a real taste of what I experience... but I have to be careful not to forcefeed my joy and excitement down those that couldn't care less and have no desire to taste. Seperating myself from the comforts and support of familiarity, friends, and family... has helped me become better aquainted with this "constant companion" that I have been given. Hopefully as I move on from now... I can be more aware of and sensitive to His undeniable presence no matter where I am. For now though... this social isolation has helped me develop and better friendship with an unwaivering companion.

    I feel so safe and secure here! (though some accuse me of naively feeling that way anywhere) I feel confident that I can stop and ask anyone for directions (a constant and unfortunate necessity for me) no matter where I am. (never mind the killer running loose in the next town over. oops!) I just tell that these people are kind. Some of the kindest are in the local amish communities. I am loving them!! It is so fun to see their buggies parked at walmart, or in the next lane over in the intersection, or walking around town. I am dying to know them. I stopped and bought jam from a man naping under his buggy. His name was Joseph Zook. He said I could come do chores on the farm with them anytime! You better believe I will.

      French music has become a new obsession for me. 75% of the radio here is in french, so I've developed some favorites... but still can't figure out what they're called! There are a lot of Arcadian French speakers here and the hospital fills up with their geriatrics. I LOVE THEM. Old people garble is even cuter with a french accent. A woman woke up once and was confused and hysterical. As I ran in there and tried to figure out what was bothering her, she was yelling at me in french. I hollered back, "SPEAK ENGLISH!" and then she started screaming incredible profanities in english that I'm sure were heard from all parts of the tiny hospital... so I quickly said, "NO NO! Speak french! SPEAK FRENCH!!!" Seriously though... there are very few people that could be more darling than a frail little man with a thick french accent saying, "I hope my bowels move!" *swoon*

     The hospital that I work at has been a very different experience. Not bad! Not at all! Just very different. It's much smaller than where I was before, and the patient acuity level is way different. If a patient is severely sick, they are packed up into the helicopter and sent to the south part of the state to a bigger hospital. (As long as there isn't a moose on the helicopter pad like there was a few nights ago. Only in Maine!) It almost feels like cheating not to be spending most of my shift on my feet... running to keep someone alive. At first it hurt my pride that they would send away the kind of patients that I'm used to caring for... and though I often don't feel like a "real nurse"... I have come to appreciate many things about the change in pace. Not running around like a chicken with my head cut off has allowed me a lot of time to read and ponder. I have rekindled an old passionate flame with good literature and am loving it.
     One of the many things I have missed is the influence of latin culture in my life. The language, the food, the culture, but especially- the people. I walked into walmart (I know... it's been really painful for me... but unavoidable. There is NOTHING here.) and saw a group of latin men! Perhaps I was looking at them weird... because they were all staring at me... and it was an odd moment of mutual "...do I know you?" ... and so... to break the staring contest.. I smiled as said, "Buenas tardes!" as I was walked by... and was startled when they all errupted into a loud response of "BUENAS TARDES!!!!!"... and we were all in shock. They are here straight from Mexico to work on the farms here for the summer. They could hardly believe that they have found an American that spoke their language.. and we were happy to find someone new that could understand us.
   In Caribou, I was living fairly close to a plot of land that had a number of bunk houses. The last few months.. I have seen a lot of latin looking people there and have pined to meet them! I wasn't sure how to just show up and start talking with dozens of men... so I held back until I had a better plan. Last sunday, I made a TON of cookies with a new friend I made at church... and we headed over to my neighbors. When we walked up with big bowls of cookies and I said, "hello neighbors! How are you guys?"... they all just froze and stared. It was not the reaction I was expecting. So.. to try to break the ice I said, "umm.. I live right nearby... and I... brought you cookies?" - I was speaking spanish... so I couldn't figure out why it was like talking to a wall. They continued frozen. So I said, "well... ok! So... here ya go!" and we handed them the cookies. Then someone slowly said, "...what? These are..for us?" I laughed and said, "umm... ya, you're my neighbor!" and they all simultaneous broke out into smiles and laughter. I think they initially thought I was from the government. They invited us to eat dinner with them and we started talking and became good friends.This next week I am starting as a volunteer nurse in a local mobile clinic that goes around to all the farms in the county and works with the migrant workers. I am SO excited. Totally my groove.

I am living in Presque Isle for my last month. I am dog/cat/house-sitting for an awesome family that is on vacation for a month. The house is near the state park... and it is spectacular here. I feel like I'm in a little cabin in the middle of nowhere. Oh ya... I basically am!

    Did I mention how much I love the ward up here? LOVE IT. There are so many powerful families that have taught me so much. I love being there and soaking in their examples. I've been blessed to spend time with many of them in their homes... and it is so much of what I have needed. I've been serving as the sunday school teacher of the 14-15 year olds- a total dream of mine. I ADORE them. I also substitute primary... and am so humbled by their knowledge and mastery of the things that I'm supposed to teach them! For example.. last sunday... I was asked right before church to teach the 4-year olds. I hurried and looked online and saw that the topic for that day was "reverence". I suddenly imagined a tiny room full of 4 year olds screaming, running, crying, fleeing... and I was terrified. I went to go pick up my pupils the third hour... and these sweet little 4 year olds led me to their room... with their arms folded and text-book reverent. "Shoot. This is another extreme. What could I possibly teach them?" These girls were pro. They taught ME.

Welp... sorry this isn't more exciting and exceptionally eventful... but it was an honest update!

Wind in my Hair

        When I first came to Maine what is now 2 months ago (seriously!?), I started my routine of biking to work. It's 15 miles from the brocolli fields of Caribou to the "downtown" (baha) Presque Isle.... which sounded like nothing! I had done 50+ miles fairly easily in the Salt Lake Valley... and so I assumed this was going to be a joy ride. I failed to take into consideration how flat the valley was... and the magnitude of the rolling hills here in Maine. Soon into my first voyage to work... I started to forget how beautiful I found these huge green hills upon arrival... and was begining to loath the next hill before I even finished the last. I thought, "Freak. 15 miles all up hill.... this is gonna be GREAT going down hill all the way back after a 12+ hour shift!"
      On my way back... I was facing hills AGAIN. How could that be?? Wasn't this supposed to be a pure coast back now? As I was giving a pep talk to my legs and they were telling me about the long night they just had at work... we were interupted by a flash of envy when I saw a biker flying down the hill that I was fighting to climb. The thought, "pf... ya... he's jetting it because he's going DOWNHILL." ran through my mind. Then I suddenly stopped and had a huge epiphany. That biker was going down the same hill that I must have gone down on my way to work 13 hours before! Why didn't I remember knowing I was going downhill? I suddenly realized that after every hill I finished... instead of enjoying the feeling of gliding downhill and feeling the wind in my hair... I was too consumed with powering through it to get momentum and prepare for the next hill that I was dreading. I had physically stopped on my bike and was overwhelmed with this realization. It astounded me because the Spirit penetrated my heart and told me... that this was an error I was committing with my life!
      My life here in Maine has been lovely. I've been free of a lot of pressures and burdens that I had faced before... but I was struggling to enjoy it. Just like this bike ride. Rather than appreciate the opportunity to stop and enjoy the feeling of the sun on my skin I pined for during winter, all the changing smells of trees, flowers, and field, rather than give my legs a break, consciously relish the feeling of the actually clean air hitting my face, or even the humor of the bugs splatting on my glasses... I was missing it all! I was unecessarily CHOOSING to be stressed out, to fret over a future I couldn't control, and bemoaning a past I couldn't change. Standing there, panting and sweating in the middle of a meadow... I finally was confronted with this pathetic reality of myself...and was asked, "Why?". The discussion and answers that followed were fairly complicated, personal, and unecessary to include. I share this private moment to explain why... I am determined not to miss out any more. When things things are good, I want to accept them as such. I want to learn to be sincerely,completely, and wholly grateful- no matter what side of the hill I'm on.
              "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others." - Cicero


Friday, July 4, 2014

My personal light show

"The true value of a human being is determined primarily by the measure and the sense in which he as attained liberation from the self."
                                                                       - Albert Einstein

I had high hopes and dreams for this 4th of July. I saw it as a golden opportunity to try to get the young single adults in my ward or my new immigrant friends together and have a prime missionary opportunity and a great time with new people. After hours of knocking doors and looking for people on my list this week.. I had no success. I thought "ok... I'll get my Mexican seasonal worker friends together!" ... Couldn't get ahold of them. When I woke up this afternoon (after working last night) to find it pouring rain, I thought, "forget it, I just want to work". I really did want to work. Work has finally gotten interesting between our cracked out man escaping the hospital stark naked and a new atv accident... I felt like I was in an ICU! ....but not even the hospital would have me! There were no crossfit classes today... I think I read so much today that even Nelphi was sick of me... But I had to get out of the house! So.. I went on a run.
     It was probably the best 5 miles of my life. It was perfectly warm... Raining... Lovely summer night.. and unbelievably picturesque. As I was going along, I looked around at the dark broccoli fields around me... And was shocked to find that the fields were....glittering!! It was as if I had taken a shovel of glitter and had launched it over the field... But I hadn't. I suddenly realized that this captivating phenomenon were from the fireflies! I just had never seen them in such glory. I stood there in awe listening to the music of the rain hitting the leaves of the trees, being sweetly cleansed by the drizzle... And watched my personal independence Day lightshow. To me, this topped the fireworks of my childhood and even the ones I had seen in D.C. This was different. 
       In that moment, I reflected on the independence in my life. I was filled with gratitude for the liberties that this country has granted me- to learn, to live, to be as I choose. I can't even begin to recount all the blessings that ran through my heart.. Of those things and people that have given me liberty... And all the results of my liberty that I hold so sacred. In those moments of reflection... The Ultimate Liberator came to mind. I realized that the deep and profound freedom I had been discovering over these last few weeks here in Presque Isle were not so related to the country or state I was in... But that I was becoming liberated from my personal and private enslavement through the atonement of Jesus Christ. I realized that the more I had come to depend on my Savior... The more free and independent I had become. That is something to forever celebrate!
     Standing alone in that farm land basking in the glow of glittering broccoli... I felt free. I am so grateful for the liberty that no man, law, nor government can ever strip from me. 

Happy Independence Day my loved ones!!!