When I first came to Maine what is now 2 months ago (seriously!?), I started my routine of biking to work. It's 15 miles from the brocolli fields of Caribou to the "downtown" (baha) Presque Isle.... which sounded like nothing! I had done 50+ miles fairly easily in the Salt Lake Valley... and so I assumed this was going to be a joy ride. I failed to take into consideration how flat the valley was... and the magnitude of the rolling hills here in Maine. Soon into my first voyage to work... I started to forget how beautiful I found these huge green hills upon arrival... and was begining to loath the next hill before I even finished the last. I thought, "Freak. 15 miles all up hill.... this is gonna be GREAT going down hill all the way back after a 12+ hour shift!"
On my way back... I was facing hills AGAIN. How could that be?? Wasn't this supposed to be a pure coast back now? As I was giving a pep talk to my legs and they were telling me about the long night they just had at work... we were interupted by a flash of envy when I saw a biker flying down the hill that I was fighting to climb. The thought, "pf... ya... he's jetting it because he's going DOWNHILL." ran through my mind. Then I suddenly stopped and had a huge epiphany. That biker was going down the same hill that I must have gone down on my way to work 13 hours before! Why didn't I remember knowing I was going downhill? I suddenly realized that after every hill I finished... instead of enjoying the feeling of gliding downhill and feeling the wind in my hair... I was too consumed with powering through it to get momentum and prepare for the next hill that I was dreading. I had physically stopped on my bike and was overwhelmed with this realization. It astounded me because the Spirit penetrated my heart and told me... that this was an error I was committing with my life!
My life here in Maine has been lovely. I've been free of a lot of pressures and burdens that I had faced before... but I was struggling to enjoy it. Just like this bike ride. Rather than appreciate the opportunity to stop and enjoy the feeling of the sun on my skin I pined for during winter, all the changing smells of trees, flowers, and field, rather than give my legs a break, consciously relish the feeling of the actually clean air hitting my face, or even the humor of the bugs splatting on my glasses... I was missing it all! I was unecessarily CHOOSING to be stressed out, to fret over a future I couldn't control, and bemoaning a past I couldn't change. Standing there, panting and sweating in the middle of a meadow... I finally was confronted with this pathetic reality of myself...and was asked, "Why?". The discussion and answers that followed were fairly complicated, personal, and unecessary to include. I share this private moment to explain why... I am determined not to miss out any more. When things things are good, I want to accept them as such. I want to learn to be sincerely,completely, and wholly grateful- no matter what side of the hill I'm on.
"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others." - Cicero
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